He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
