she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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