I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
