I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
