stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
