I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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