ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
