dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
