Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
