ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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