Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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