I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
