he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
