that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
