if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
