Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
