I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Enjoy the penises
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
