Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
