So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
