last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
