Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
