it hurts more in the daytime
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
