You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
