Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
