I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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