Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
