When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
