idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
