i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I did not marry a roomba.
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