I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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