im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
