I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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