the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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