Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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