So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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