Jerry, you need to find god
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
