i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
