i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
