I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
