3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
