Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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