I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
