He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
