I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
