Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The best revenge is premature balding
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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