the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
