For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
