You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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