As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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