I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
