I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
