We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
