absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
