please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
