Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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