Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
