I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
