i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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