I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
